The Past

Putih



Pagi itu hujan. Aku sayup-sayup mendengar dari jendela kamar ditengah tidurku. Pagi itu juga, tidak lama setelah hujan reda dan akhirnya berhenti, aku mendapat kabar Kakek telah tiada.

Aku sedang duduk di dekat balkon, melihat Jakarta yang basah dari lantai 17 apartemen. Rasanya seperti mimpi. Adikku duduk di sofa, setengah linglung sambil memegang handphone di tangannya yang baru saja terdengar isak tangis kecil dari Ibu di ujung telfon.

Bukan mimpi indah atau buruk. Hanya seperti, kamu tahu, sesuatu yang tidak nyata. Coba dengarkan lagu Efek Rumah Kaca, judulnya "Putih". Aku tidak bisa bicara banyak, namun, jika kamu berkenan, coba dengarkan lagu itu. Itu bagaimana rasanya pagi itu.

Usai. Cerita Kakek sudah usai. Namun, hasil cerita sepanjang perjalanannya telah menyentuh banyak orang, terpampang jelas dari jumlah karangan bunga yang sudah memenuhi pekarangan dan jalan di sekitar rumah Nenek dan Kakek di Pejaten ketika aku datang dengan terburu-buru.

Walaupun tidak mudah menggabarkan apa yang ku lihat pada saat itu, tapi kurang lebih, jika aku harus, aku akan menggunakan satu analogi: dulu, ketika aku melihat kelompok musik favoritku, Timmy pernah bilang, bahwa aku, dan ratusan penonton lainnya, terlihat sangat tenang menikmati alunan lagu. Aku tidak tahu jelas apa maksud Timmy, tapi pada saat itu, sepertinya aku bisa mengerti. Ya, aku pikir, hanya pada saat seseorang penggemar melihat kelompok musik favoritnya, seseorang akan terlihat tenang.

Pagi itu, saat kami sekeluarga membasuh Beliau sebelum ke peristirahatan terakhirnya, aku baru pertama kali melihat seseorang tampak benar-benar tenang dan damai.




Malam ini hujan turun lagi.





Selamat jalan, Kakek tersayang.
A piece by : Fiya Muiz
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I Thought I'd Be Asleep By Now


2016


If 2015 was the year of Shock and Denial, 2016 was the year of Adapting. Sure one year felt long, but short at the same time, because until today, it is still difficult to say I am swell settling back into this City of Madness. But I am so many steps closer to wherever I needed to be.

Adapting can take in many forms. Building myriad routines from getting a job, joining a gym membership, and starting a relationship are a few of them. But most of all, the approach that seemed most effective to me was, finding love through Indonesian arts and literature.

In 2016, I have read more Indonesian books than I have ever did in my entire life. Hujan Bulan Juni, Kukila, Melihat Api Bekerja, Tidak Ada New York Hari Ini, Cantik Itu Luka, Malam Ini Aku Tidur di Matamu, Milana, Perjalanan, Cinta dan Makna Perempuan are on the top list.

Around August, marking the first year I landed in Jakarta, my laptop decided to fall out. Resulting an immediate repair on its hard disk where I stored most of my data, including list of songs on iTunes. Due to the unexpected timing and lack of routine backup habit, I had to begin again.

Now, there are mostly Indonesians songs in my Playlist. From Payung Teduh, Sore to Kelompok Penerbang Roket were the ones that accompanied me through the 9-to-5 day in and day out routine. I must say, I enjoyed it more than I imagined.

I once engaged into a current political conversation with a friend of mine about the upcoming governor election, and gave an extensive answer for it. He seemed surprised and said, "Look at you now, settling back into what's happening to our country." I went silent. Perhaps it was a sign of having an emotional relationship towards something.

Perhaps I gave zero shit then, but I picked up several along the way when I started working and built this habit of opening the Jakarta Post website first thing at the office and enrichment during lunch table conversations. It is not easy not to develop certain tendency towards one side when most of the people out there are unfathomably ignorant.

Well, I am here, you are there, breathing, loved, and have access to internet. So, despite all the political chaos happening all around the world, I suppose 2016 has been alright. Now it's 2017 we shall be worried (I meant, excited) about.

I will see you soon. Hopefully with exciting news.
A piece by : Fiya Muiz
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