I Need Time-Out

This kind of moment was the best moment for writing since my emotion wrapped me until I can't sleep.
My eyes were swollenly red, and my legs hurt due to the over self-confident to rule the skateboard.
I lost my appetite for eat. I just wanted massive distraction for my thoughts which I can't barely found.

I felt joy in every second of thee presence but in the same time it destruct me more than the cigarrettes. slowly. The more I dream, the more I can feel the reality undermine my life. I let good things happens to me today, which I gradually thank, but the good things were not always something good in a way. The other way has its side effect such as post situation that came after the good things. I knew it would happened, but I couldn't care less.
I want it, and what happen next wouldn't matter for me at the moment when I did feel the rush of the joy. Until the next thing happen.
I was under my duvet, food-less, and crying my self in silence. The clock already showed three hours passed midnight, I feel ridiculous.
My tears were wasted over the most useless thing that your mind could think of.
but I can't help it. I'm still a human with a heart where I could feel things.
I didn't have any night mare, but I slept early. It was very plain and dark. I went against the fact that my air conditioner was actually cold. My legs were petrified in pain. My hair was still wet after I tried to drowned my thoughts inside the pool, and somehow it did not work out when the pressure of the water pressed againts the tears that about to fall out. It was something uncomfortable.
I felt misarable. I never knew what misarable means before tonight.
It was more than pain, mentally, but it more to I-can't-technically-feel-anything. Like you were lost somewhere you couldn't define.

No one ever made me like this. Either out there someone should be proud to, or this thing is way beyond the limit of exaggeration. It wasn't about my wants I cried over to, it's about someone else wants that I could desperately feel it.I don't know. I won't know.
All the sobs and snivel obnoxiously messing my pillow sheet. My heart doesn't hurt. I know it is still in one piece and not shattered. but it's just... had the wrong dedication of feeling.
Wrong is the right word for the day.
Have you ever felt like nothing going to be normal as it used to, after one tiny bits of truth submitted through one sentence? Like a part from you has taken away in the same time when the truth was told? Like sacrifising a hope for the future?
Have you ever felt nobody could understand what you are dealing with? Like you don't feel talking to them after all?

I don't know what to feel, what to think, or what to write when I'm like this.