It's Much More Than It Seems.

It feels good just to sit here and wander off between photos on facebook. The siren for reading formulas on the book is temporarily turned off during the weekend. The exam will continue on Monday. Roughly I have at least two days to let my muscle brain off duty. Earlier today during my exam, I had thirty minutes spare time before I have to submit my work, I chose not to sleep and I decided to write. I was not allowed to bring any paper, so I wrote between the question on the question sheet.
Yesterday, on random occurrence, I sat beside a friend of mine. We talked. But then she started to talk about someone who I have not seen for a while but never left my mind. Honestly, I would like to take every possible chances to avoid such a topic but it was too late to invade further discussion. In anyway, somehow I have no right to fear anything related to this person. It has been a very lot while ago. So yes, I have heard he's happy due to an obvious form of progress of something from someone. Well, while here, the situation did not change though before or after these couple of months. I like that person, and that person like somebody else. Yes, I get that clearly. But there was a part of me that withered every time I got remembered. That is why I hate being remembered. It pushed me to where I asked myself, "What should I do to make him changed his mind?"
I know it sounded sad and desperate. It sounded even more awful when sad and desperate put in one line. They should have not be together. What worse than that was, I know the situation and I still helplessly stay silent, not even an inch of moving forward or anywhere. I can't and I just won't.
And somehow, every time I have tried to look around, I'm just too afraid, afraid that what had happen, or happening is going to end up in repetition.