So Close

Have you ever felt so close, like the border line between two states, so precise and absolute, to fall in love with someone? You met this person with the least expectation you have got as you only prepared a notebook and a pen for yourself. You figured the rest would find its own way. Maybe this person was someone from the past; a childhood friend that you had a secret crush on. The first time you have seen this person's face again after years, everything suddenly escalated so quickly into a firm existence of realness. You did not know you were about to get caught off guard.

He sat before you, looking as exceptional as he was expected to grow up to be since you were playing swinging rope together in his backyard twelve years ago. His hair was still as dark as dark as raven's wings, matched with his thick eyebrows. Whilst his eyes utters the coldest yet brightest impression in shades of caramel-coloured iris. He did not smile so often, this scares you because you were dying to read his mind, but when he did, that was the kind of smile that lights up the room.

You hid your shaky nerves in between the sips of your caramel latte as the conversation began. It started off quietly, like calm pool with steady surface till he jumped right in and create this magnified wave of perfect curls. In a glimpse, you thought, if this carries on, something big could happen. Maybe like the second big bang, where both of you would explode into million bits of micro-particles, dissolve into the air and create this new universe that you were bound to exist forever.

By the time the blended ice melted under the arch of plastic bottle lid, you were reminded that he had changed from the person that you held impulsively when you were nine, and fell into foolish monkey-love with. But somehow you liked him even better, the darker-and-more-real version of him, in a way you could not explain, in a way you could never be able to shake off the idea of him that was so persistent and impeccable, no matter how fucked up he was.

Right before you had to say goodbye, your eyes met his. It was not the first time throughout conversation that you just happen to caught in a crossfire of glances, but this time you saw the sunset of your childhood dream disappearing at the end of the horizon of his eyelid, shifting into clusters of stars where you look up to. There you noticed, you had been longing for him without even knowing. That he could be your muse and you were so close to fall in love with him. Even closer than the length between your pointy nose and your soft lips.

Have you ever felt so close to fall in love with someone, for his mistakes, achievements, his words and past, you were just one blink away to fall head over heels towards him? But you couldn't. It was not because a moment of hesitation or sprinkles of doubts. But because your fear of falling, failing and getting hurt once again was too much. You just couldn't, so you let this one go.