My Hands Were Full On A Second To Waste

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I remembered weeks ago, in my small bedroom back in Jakarta, I wrote my heart out. Knowing one thing only; I had to write this down because my heart could not handle, not even another two minutes, enormous feeling towards one normal human being. Today, as I wrote this post, I know, that post would not be on the first page anymore. I shoved it, politely and unintentionally, somewhere else. That easy. 

Unlike when I wrote the secret's out, I was no longer in my apartment -- I sat here alone, sixteen hours flight away from home. Busy building whatever its worth out of what I have now and without knowing anything certain about past, distance and all the other things in between. Perhaps just busy getting wasted.


Life in overall, is too complex. Everything is complex when you live hand in hand with hundred thousands different open minds. The only thing that isn't, is now. I know exactly I am happy with where I am, who I'm with, what I wear, what I drink, what I did last weekend and where I sleep. And even though some of the aspects lies within the complexity, I will always believe, everything  will become a part of now, sometime in the future, where I just know I am one hundred percent certain. 

A piece by : Fiya Muiz
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It's Up to Hope

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The relationship between me and this very land is real, I believe. Definition of real itself lies between the contrary of feeling alive along with the joy and headaches. Pleasures been pouring upon my head, hovering around my senses, pulling me into places where the ground is partly genuine. Dancing in the rain, they say. Been walking around, handing over the loneliness to the streets. Wishing it would be easier just to ignore; the stupid feeling, cold weather and that blinking red light aggressively asking for attention. A bit of swearing flutters from the innocent lips, tearing apart the seal, gradually in frequent motion. Freedom of expression, they say. Simply live under the sky instead of laws. That is to say, the majority of air is no longer oxygen, but instead, it's freedom. Freedom with boundaries slowly growing strong between my nerves. Leads to judgement over judgement, impersonating the fragile footsteps on the sand. The existence lasts within one gentle sway from the wind. Independent, shall it be. Giving justice to the word alone, without sounding poetically pity. It is about giving a chance, and wait. The soft pillow silently listens to every restless thoughts as my head lies casually, desperately begging for a break through the long eventful night. Nothing is going to change. No one is going to change. Sun is just a prologue to greet the rest of my duty. And Crabbies is just a ginger beer.

A piece by : Fiya Muiz
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Lesson To Learn

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The diversity of people's personality is more or less has the same idea as counting hair. It is nearly impossible to elaborate since it takes ages and patience because hair is pretty much a complicated uncountable thing. To lessen the scoop, there are people who easy to fall in love and easily attached and quickly to forget, and others may just find it hard to fall in love and even harder to letting go or a little combination of both. Since this is not an academic essay, I am allowed to put my opinion here, loud and clear without hiding it behind a general thoughts. This essay about moving on. This is dedicated to all of those who has solid rock heart out there. Thought I might give it a go.

If I have to put myself in the previous context, I might tend to be the one who is not easily attached and find very very very hard to move on. Because I always thought, I fell in love with the perfect guy through his imperfection. He is perfect. I should not let him go; no matter how unreachable he is or no matter how deep he fell in love with another girl. Although, I can hear whisper that I might able to move on somehow, when its time, without knowing tiny bit of a clue. (Yes, because love happens eventually. Whatever.) In the mean time, my heart is possessed by this one guy with no certainty of something in return or blimey, just a simple result. And not giving any chance to let someone else to get in.

In a way, it does not sound right. All those free-spirit goers might want to slap my face immediately. But in the same time, I am (or was) looking to find a way how, unconsciously. And hereby, I found one, among hundreds other way to move on is just simply move. Do not stay wherever you are now. With the surroundings that remind you to this very subject. Move. Anywhere. Find new things. Meet new people. Know the strangers more. We all are begin as a stranger, remember? Change them in to friends, whoever you find comfortable with. Do not stay. I repeat, do not stay. Mooooooooooooooooooove! This time of year is perfect to find new things because school year just barely starts. Smell that? It's the fair chance of opportunities to find something new, everyone!

You would know this without me telling you: at the end, it does not matter you are willing to or not, life always goes on with or without the person you wanted to be with in the current time.  I am not saying I have moved on. I just feel a lot better than before -- regardless the definition of before looked like. However in conclusion, do not even hope to move on if you still in the same surrounding, with faces and places that always remind you. Start fresh. Go and explore! You have no idea how much world can offer! All we need to do is begin with a small step and a simple will!

xxxx

A piece by : Fiya Muiz
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All The Way Down South

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I'm in England, at last! Going to be here for the next 10 months for Foundation course, then followed by university another 3 years. Am in my third week, this week. The first week was not good. Being here, is part of my dream I shall say. And when it gets really real, it feels weird. Mostly because I have to get through the adjustment to the daily environment, and the culture!

Screw adjustment I know, but it happens!

Bournemouth is beautiful. Decent parks, awesome piers, and most of all, I fancy the beach a lot! There are two majorities of age in this town. Elder people and university students. A bit of a contrast, but fair play to them. The culture is definitely different compare to Jakarta. Shouting out loud by the streets is somehow familiar during weekends. I tell you why later, but in terms of public transport, way better than TransJakarta, I'm sorry but it's true.

I go to school with bus everyday. Which unlikely happens if I am in Jakarta. I walk around town centre on foot, obviously, where mostly everything is here. And I live 3 minutes away from the town centre. But, there is a big but, the shops closed at 6. Bummer!

Then weekends, it's all about pub and clubs (this explain the shouting issues). It doesn't have to be weekend though, there are few weekdays, pubs and clubs offering many offers, shall I say in a proper context! :) There is no mall! ..pretty much. So, the only cool place to run to during weekend, is definitely the pub with friends!

Going on to the further points. It's about the college. The college; teachers, classmates, and classes are okay! I always paying attention during the class. Only it is quite hard to push myself opening books after school! Like always anyway. Still on the way to process myself to be more self-dicipline!

The weather is like guys these days, pretty much unpredictable. Here in Bournemouth, we can have three different season in one day. Bright and sunny in the morning, cloudy by the afternoon, and freezing cold during the evening. And the next day? We will see.

Personally, I would say, the reason I enjoyed whatever it is in Bournemouth definitely because the people I am spending time with. The people I am with during every small excursion around Bournemouth. Little by little, I understand this place and starting to grow on me.

It also the reason I made through the storm as in homesick. It took me a while to get to the point where I finally having a grip to hold on.  Because I never thought what I had, was not certain. It was definitely not portable. I was relying on my surrounding a little bit too much, perhaps.

Grip, is like trust, I believe. More likely need to be earned by giving out efforts. Building the construction, finding out the right materials. It was very awful to feel alone and as a stranger in the same time. But now, I have grown genuine fond on some of the most interesting people I have ever known in my life. And they are from different part of the world! German, Japan, China, Nigeria, Ukraine, Brazil, Turkey and also last but not least, Indonesia! I am just simply glad knowing them.

I will update more with pictures of my friends and the story as well, soon!

xxxx

A piece by : Fiya Muiz
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Homesick

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Homesick; an awful feeling that I thought would never exist. Homesick happens to everybody who leaves their hometown regardless the reason. Homesick is currently cureless. Not even The Cure can heal it. There is one medicine that able to ease the pain gradually. It's called time. Where and how to get it? through wait. Wait is more like British arrogance -- plainly annoying. Some people can't  handle waiting. But eventually everyone has to. Because once you get through of waiting, pleasures are right in front of you.

"Life continually evolves. We're always moving, moving into new experiences, new possibilities. This constant change unsettles the personality, which finds security in stability. But with life always in flux, that security is an illusion. We experience pain by trying to hold on to things that are not solid.

Life becomes joyful when we can open to the constant flow and ride freely with it. This requires us to let go of the need to control. We need to learn to trust.

-- John Robson"

A piece by : Fiya Muiz
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Band Edition: Meet Me By Sunrise

music | recommendation

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It has been quite cloudy throughout Jakarta's music scene lately, the usual weekend gig that I used to attend had lost its existence between the radar. But among the minor crowds, this band managed to popped out to the public eye-sight. And mine's especially -- I cannot help to write about them. Speaking of the devil, it's Meet Me By Sunrise. First of many, I personally have to give big kudos for whoever came up with the name. Meet Me By Sunrise. It's not too cliche, not too band name-ish, not too much; it's simple, precise and it's there. As soon you read or hear the name, there's a chime of hope, you know this going to be good. And  yes, they are worth to listen. 

This band consist of four young boys, simultaneously giving such a fresh soul into their music. Lan Alexander on  vocal/guitar, has this Gaskarth-like kind of voice, where you just know he owns the right to sing. He has the voice that qualified to be ears' best friend. On guitar/synths/keys/vocal/pretty-much-everything-here-there-a-bit, there's the multi-talented Dion Andrew; his skill is surely undoubted when his fingers know what to do to create such a great outcome of rhythm, based on my judgement on MMBS TV -- a youtube video where they record their routines on camera. The third member on bass/vocal, is Christophe Renato, slapping the thick bass strings daringly, adding the blast deep volume hand in hand with the guitar; hey, song wouldn't sound complete without bass -- as a fellow bassist speaking. Last but not least, Diandra Indrabayu on drums, let alone the loud beat, the drums sure has the good deal of role on giving more air to the songs as it breathe and sounded more alive.

Little more details regarding their songs, for all All Time Low/Simple Plan/The Downtown Fiction die hard fans out there, I can assure you, you are going to love Meet Me By Sunrise. Sound of power pop with touch of rock & semi-acoustic is their thing. For the lyrics, it is very easy to relate, young love,  disappointing heartbreak; ear-catching phrases, definitely not crappy ass quality. My personal favorite song would Frankly My Dear, I Don't Give A Damn. But as I listen to their tracks these past hours, I have got to say it is kind of hard to decide, they are all good! Jakarta (Never Looked So Good) makes me want to go out on late-drive around town and watch the skyline. And man, "I hope you'd die in a car crash baby" phrase from Hanging On A Wake Up Call just would not get out of my head. Only Stars sounded less appealing than the others, maybe because the others are pretty much contains more content than this one. 

Fair to say, go and take a look for yourself, their live performance. And what are the odds, they are about to release their EP in three weeks! October 15th. Too bad I can't make it as I'm leaving this town within a week.. Anyway, details on their facebook or follow their official band twitter, make sure you are not going to miss it! And maybe, if you would like to booked them on events, please do not hesitate to contact them through their facebook, they seemed nice! Better yet, interested to signed them? They would be a phone call away. All and all, so glad to have them as local band   x

A piece by : Fiya Muiz
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You Say Good Morning When It's Midnight

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I was trying to figure out why the hell I stayed up most of the night; I thought I was waiting, but I was not. I guess I was trying to find comfort in repetition through song. Maybe I was trying to find something. Answers, perhaps. Somewhere. Or maybe I was trying to make a history. Conquering the time difference. Or, I just wanted be listened. This, whispers few minutes to midnight.

11: 56 P.M

Common knowledge taught me, based in some stories, you were the worst version of yourself during midnight (without additional favor from liquors). Worst as in impulsively free. As in, honest. Where secrets and truths may slip here and there. Which bring me in certain awareness, less chance of midnight declaring lies. Am I the only one who noticed  how fine midnight is?

Maybe it was because the sun, keeping our muscle too tense and mind too sane through its bright lights. Too sane to qualify the worst when we were being honest. As the level of tolerance towards the reality had decrease to the lowest point, raised the voice "I do not give a shit." out loud.

Maybe our body has running out of liquid to neutralize the raging hormones. Maybe our head has reached the maximum capacity to bare with memories. But between regrets, guilts and blame, lies the innocent part of feeling relief. Probably during midnight only, a person can express decent outcome with enough guts that hardly achieve when the sky is blue.

I hope I won't regret this post in the morning.

12:36 A.M


Oh, wait. Now I know what I was doing this whole time. I think I was hoping to see a respond. I think my head had secretly told my body to stay awake, messing with the proper bedtime, to assume I was awake for nothing. When nothing is not particularly nothing -- there's a little bit of everything hidden behind it. I think it was common to wait for something after you spill half of your guts in paragraphs.


P.S: so, if you read this, please let me know.


1:08 A.M


Yeah. That's it. Good night.


1:18 A.M





1:41 A.M

A piece by : Fiya Muiz
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