I am Under Your Skin

To: Bournemouth, June 2013.

I am about to leave you in less than ten days. Not forever, I know. I will be back as soon the leaves touch the ground in September. It's just, I have not been home for more than a year. I feel this odd jitters about going home because you have made me forget how home feels like -- I am still familiar with the language and food, but the mundane routine of the utmost traffic or others have lost its familiarity. Things have changed. I have changed. Now, I am stuffed with you and your indecisive weather. I have been through the worst and best with you in the brightest and gloomy days. Even though you are still strange, and I have not adapt your sweet accent, yet, I am under your skin.

A lot of things has happened over the year. I remember it was not easy to get along with you in the beginning. Especially after returning last Summer. I went through the toughest time away from family and the place I used to call home. I almost hated you back then. For a split second, I thought you were the wrong decision. The reality once slapped me hard on the face, but you kept me still; nearly content with the vast life of youth from dusk till dawn. In December, where the season hit the lowest temperature, I found comfort in one small local pub next to a Chinese restaurant. There, I was immediately reserved to another bit of this world that I fall in love with. Slowly and gradually, I gathered the conclusion I was actually happy.

The initial plan to have you as a rebound obviously did not stay long because since then I felt you started to give me life on a silver platter. You were growing on me. I made friends with the coolest bunch whom I am proud of and I wanted to tell my mum about. The comfort had turned into an exciting weekend routine. And most of all, I met a guy with the greatest accent whom I have always wanted since I was able to think that  I could be in love. However, that was also when I realised that any of this was not on a silver platter. I fell apart again before you as he made his exit. Everything seemed like a cycle. Only this time, I was stronger as I only needed to cry once at 3 in the morning by the bus stop.

Nevertheless, I cannot ever hate you. Just like any other relationship, the more things and memories I have had with you, I don't want to leave you entirely. I have fall in and out of love around you. You gave me plenty in return of my innocence. If the definition of home is about familiarity, you are my home now. Not that I love Jakarta any less, believe me it never been any stronger, but it is not where familiarity lies any longer. Jakarta will always be the place where I'm from but most of the things there are no longer within my grip. I know you better now. The streets, bus routes, attractions, the good deals in local restaurants, like 50% off in Revolution and Slug & Lettuce every Monday; or maybe, you are home because the boy I want is still here with you.

I have a feeling you may be able to keep me for a very very very long while.

Take a good care of yourself. I'll miss you for the rest of the summer.