The Past

To Bed

This makes me feel like booking the earliest flight to New York, and go to some random apartment with rooftop view, wait until dusk and watch the sky change colour into shades darker, little by little. And count, quietly in my head until the sun finally sleeps behind the horizon on its cloudy pillows. And then I, too, put my worries to bed. 
A piece by : Fiya Muiz

When Everything Feels Like Forever

Recently I stumbled upon articles stating adult nowadays are the least happiest. This is identified through the number of copies sold, and not to mention Hollywood adaptation, of Young Adult fiction. Dictionary-wise, the category of Young Adult is aimed at teenagers between the age 13-18 but statistic shows an astonishing trend that almost 30% of the readers are in their 30s.

It is then believed, adults are not happy because they are constantly trying to forget their lives as an adult and revisit the younger part of their lives way back when a bottle of wine was innocence and tax was simply just a distant tragedy. Some even believed adults who read Young Adult fiction should be ashamed to read literature that is meant for children.

In Young Adult literature - Paper Towns, Eleanor and Park, If I Stay to name a few successful works, offers the reader if less than an answer, a hope. That the good wins, and evil loses. That death isn't as bad as it sounds and love will always be there to save the day; most of the things that reality grabs away the moment one reaches adulthood.

That is why they are looking for an escape from the daily fights of money and social status in nine to five routine and commute war through Young Adult fiction. Like a time vessel, just as fast as the speed of Tube from Richmond to Battersea Park, adult do not need another reminder that life is hard and miserable. 

In the beginning I thought the reason why generation Z are unhappy is because of social media. When people are constantly putting themselves as the centre of the universe and blindly accept what others have put out there - a picture of new place they have travelled, the flowers from their significant others as a remark of their long, happy and steady relationship, the new car, the band that they just saw, as a comparison between the other's highlight reels of a film to their behind the scenes where things are most likely to go down to the gutter.

I cannot entirely disagree and stand up from myself that I am not part of the fashion. To be perfectly frank, I despise most of the (romantic) mainstream Hollywood film with happy ending bullcrap, for the all wrong reasons as to my own disappointment in life that I lose the faith in love.

I realized that everything is in a cycle, chicken and egg, one thing lead to one another. It is maybe we all are craving to escape, we tend to find security in the fashion of posting the good bits of our lives. In fiction books and films. Because we all are so busy trying to separate between what is real and what is imagined, believing that reality is a cold-hearted bitch, then we lost touch to our innocence make-believe that things may go well. That, perhaps, just a tiny perhaps love can save the day.

I'd say it's okay to say once in a while to get in touch with the teenage, child-like side of us back when everything feels like Forever,

just before the bad wolf knocks again.

P.s that song at the top kills the worst of me.

A piece by : Fiya Muiz

If, If

When I was five, I lost my tiny earrings somewhere in the living room where the Persian rug was my playground with barbie dolls dressed in pink and plastic kitchen set scattered all over the place. Surprisingly, I found it underneath the rug where my parents had searched before. With the praise of having good eyes, since that day if there was anything that was lost, my parents always sent me to find the lost things, especially those that were hard to find, 'cause they would say, "Fiya would find it." And most of the times, I always did.
My oldest best friend trusts me like a believer belief in a bible. She said if I thought of something hard, often and stubborn enough, it would actually happen. Living in England right now, was one of the instances she forcefully made me believe what she thought was real. I don't know, it could be. I did find myself more than often ran into the person that I was thinking about in random occurrences that made me think, this all was a joke. I think it is a good thing that I never thought to kill anybody so far. If that happens, I am going to be in a trouble.
One evening, I was walking by the regular pub I usually go to on the weekend when I was on my way to the restaurant up the hill. I had to stop by and said hi for the sake of politeness to the Bouncer that became a good friend of mine. Suddenly, there was a tall, blonde man in his mid twenties pointed at me as he got out from the room and said, "Oh, you're a trouble." I was shocked and immediately felt self-conscious observed the way I dressed that night, skinny jeans and loose cropped sweater. Nothing that I deemed to represent trouble. But I felt like I was, even though I never met the guy before.
If, if I do still listen to what my parents would say seventeen years ago, I would love to find you again. Somewhere, but not in the four in the morning text messages, maybe in a bowl of homemade Bibimpab instead. If, if my best friend was right, I wonder why I have not seen you in the familiar places because I have been thinking about you for so long. Yet, the only thing that I should not believe from a stranger, I believe the most. That I am, perhaps, the trouble that repel the chances to see you again as you have made your way out -

A piece by : Fiya Muiz