The Past

Keep The Change, You Filthy Animal.

Sometimes it gets very easy to fall in love with the characters on the movie, books or TV series rather than fall in love with a real person that existed in the real world. Cause real person would hurt much than characters in the movie and anything real tend to be a constant disappointment in life. A big one. Although I could hear whisper to stop and start to look around, open my eyes widely and forget what had happened in the past six months, I'd still be in the same place and not moved even an inch. Distance and undefined social network made things uglier since it increase the percentage of making assumption that still doubted the accuracy but haunting like it was a fact and be stupidly annoying to daily mood.
I have tried to hate and forget things, making promises to myself, but it came down to no point. Even my eyes were too exhausted to cry. My legs too tired to run and chase. Its just my fingers that hasn't reached anywhere, still writing about something I recently assume, worthless. Most of the time my head and my mind went through a significant disagreement on something, and when once they had met in mutual, such as labeling someone as best, it frozen like an eternal ice.
I wanna feel light not much of a responsibility to carry, and fall in love as easy as I could. I've wasted my time being serious, and I had enough. I'll start to sleep with no lights on, jump on and on and on on my bed till I touched the ceiling of my room and no one could stop me, eat dinner in the middle of the night lights off TV's on, dyed my hair hair pink and felt nothing. I'll make my life like a party where everyone's invited and more than welcome.

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A piece by : Fiya Muiz

My November Post Promise

I should say sorry for breaking my November promise. (to keep on writing blog daily)
I turned eighteen and I haven't feel like it yet. Probably I was busy looking for something that I could find. Although I had no idea what I was looking for. It could be anything in any form. My head was too occupied with everything till I couldn't understand how I supposed to feel. As if my heart was playing hide and seek this week. I guess my mind been staying somewhere unreal. Somewhere where houses were made by expectations and it always gets me fall in the gutter of disappointment when I tried to get back to the world of reality. I mean, what surrounds me just not enough to support me to stay within my expectation. Another thing that gets very annoying: to expect. Just like a snow lover expecting to see the snow when he/she lives in a tropical land.
Is it me or things happen like they wants to eat me alive? I should have been more....loose. Heckyeah I'm18!
I saw people that I would like to keep forever in my life on my birthday. and that's all that matters.
I would like to kiss my shuffle tonight for spoiling my ears with good songs.

P.S: don't stay at home on your birthday cause it sucks.
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A piece by : Fiya Muiz

You've Got Nothing to Fear, If You've Got Nothing to Hide.

God. Harry Potter burned me alive.
  • Harry Potter was my first sparks for falling in love with Britain in 2001. Including the almighty British accent.

  • Red hair guy looks way more attractive in this movie.

  • Ron has this indescribable sex appeal that pulled me every time he talked in British accent. And somehow in a split second, it makes me wanted to go and marry him.

  • The tension between Ron and Hermione was wow. As well as Hermione and Harry and Ron. Just in a slight difference section.

  • For a while, or maybe way longer than a while, I really wish Harry Potter's world does exist.

ps: my mind was too occupied with lots of thoughts. so I wrote in points instead of paragraphs.
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A piece by : Fiya Muiz

I'll Run

If I was somewhere outside the room and the sky as the roof, I like to run as fastest as I could and hoping the wind would wash away the thoughts that started to burn inside my mind. But in different case, I always run to this blog if I got something, the tiniest bit droplets of thought that may cause a wild fire, metaphorically. Nowadays things were getting more reliable to ruin my mood. Even though sometimes I barely got any mood. If you know what I was saying. I may run to the swimming pool when I feel like I was on the edge of crying. Cause you couldn't get anywhere similar like the pool. When the water pressure pressed against your face, your eyes couldn't see right and you were trying to hold your body under the water just for a little while when things feels light and all silent, before mentally ready to hit the surface back again. It feels good. Not even the bath tub could give me this full scale satisfaction.
Have you ever think about how weird at the time like this, on the age where someone barely accept their driving license, we teenagers are pushed to make a decision. On the age where someone gets very vulnerable and in between. On the age where we just want to have fun. While the only thing that we should worry was about getting the permission to be back at home after midnight.
It's just as stupid as I wish the alarm to ring few minutes later than the exact hour that I set earlier.
Things seem running in a slightly slower motion posing like they were chaffing me with their little play. I just got remembered that I almost touch down the age of eighteen. Is it me or my mind set telling me as I grew older day by day I learned more things, in the same time I have to deal with it more, I have to understand it more, and I have to spare some of my memory to keep those lesson that I get perfectly in order. Which pushed me to come up with dozens of theories, unspeakable-cost-memory kind of theories. Sometimes it bugged me.
Things also looks like they ask for more attention.
You must know what I mean.
I still don't feel well.

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Every time I see this picture, I would like to have it inked on my back. Seriously.
A piece by : Fiya Muiz

Truth Never Set Me Free

I've got to admit that sometimes I asked unnecessary questions. And sometimes I got confused whether the conclusion of uncertain things were truly stated or it was just the trick of my mind connecting the dots?
There it leads to another question, by asking lots of question does that makes me critical or over think?
I wasn't on my best shape since my nose got a bit runny and my thoughts a bit sticky. Bed was my best friend for these past two days, I wasn't that all weak and ill but bed just seemed more attractive and calming for my kind of situation.
A pack of tissues was ready beside my pillow just in case I had an emergency sneeze.
The hours I spent off this bed were only for eating or writing a blog.
Life just as simple as turning the lights on when the sky gets dark.
I wish days could have been spend like this without runny nose and the guilty feeling for abandoning responsibility inside my bag and on my desk. They haunt me like a mad man.
Although I always find the best way to procrastinate or avoid it for a little while.
Murmured might not help anything, but it sure lessen the anger.

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A piece by : Fiya Muiz

It Shows On Your Fingertips

It wasn't about sweet talks and possibilities between him and her. It was about the undeniable tension that she could feel when he was around. All painless light yet conflicting irregular heart beat in every second that passed, slowly, gradually shaping her foolish attitude.
Moment where she caught his eyes staring at her which caused her body fell right away, denying gravity that occurs. Excitement she should hide under her eye bag, hardly maintained.
Everything went a little too messy here and there but it felt flawlessly right.
She miss him that much she could feel it along her vein, travels through her body. It was all about what she could not get through indirect distance that separates them in person, hand and mind. She stood by her tip toe, looking way outside her window. To the innocent floor where she once found him, four hours after midnight. It was about what was there.
Hours that she wished could be repeated million times, as much as it has played back inside her head. It was about everything from the morning sun till the songs on the radio that reminds her to one posture of a liar. A liar that kept all of her faith more than anyone else.
You know, most of the things that could go wrong will always be saved by a statement of prejudice.

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A piece by : Fiya Muiz

If I Say I Don't Have Stories, Would You Believe Me?

I always more attracted to November because there was one potential day I own the excuse to ask to be treated like a queen. On the same day that has the most potential of me, getting disappointed due to the highly expectation.
I've read lots of common phrases on the internet about growing up, and the worst part was most of it were true.
About losing the faith on fairytale every morning we, soon-to-be-grown-up, wakes up.
I just couldn't ignore the existence of reality that keeps haunting me both in good and bad way.
This what happened to most kids, when I was a toddler where my activities were only school, take a nap, eat, tv, and sleep, I've always curious about being grown up. In that way I wished my birthday will come very soon, and my parents will throw a party, we'll blow candles along with my friends. At that time I didn't think about the responsibility I gained each time when the number of my candles gradually increase. Responsibility by the common demand when social judge or responsibility that automatically charged on me, or us who are on our way to be grown ups.
I would like to stay eighteenth if I could.
My mind begin to wandered off to Forks, Washington DC. I starting to considered the existence of vampires that could turned me immortal. Just forever 18. Not immortal in the definition that you couldn't die. You must know what I mean.
I still look forward to my birthday, just not as much as I did five years ago.

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A piece by : Fiya Muiz

Every Waves Drags Me to Sea

The coincidence on stumbling upon people that giving priceless objects of all time, ideas, has spoiled me a lot this week. Directly or indirectly, I've met quite a few people that inspires me in any kind of form. Mostly were series of acts that frozen my words and clouding my thoughts. It all started out simple, simpler than any prologue you may have seen before.
A speech, trains of sentence brought in astonishing gesture, blew me away. Its hard to see a flaw on a speech delivered by one of the most charming man on the universe. Or maybe just because it was clearly flawless. My heart moved several inches.
A movie, based on true story got my jaw fell opened. My heart moved few inches more. Although it wasn't an Oscar material, the most important thing was the story. And the story made a world history. And billions of people in this world owe this guy a massive thank you for making life easier (not always) to connect with people in no boundaries.
A spontaneous thought, oddly entertaining enough. A friend of mine came up with drop dead random idea to go to the beach an hour before midnight. Stupid yet very thoughtful. He wasn't the first person that I knew who usually stirred up with those kind of idea but recently I've lost one and haven't got the chance to feel the familiarity that lies on every heart beat of escaping normality. It puts be back on track writing few pages more on my project, letting go my writer's block situation for a while.

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A piece by : Fiya Muiz

Here You Go, Mark.

I dedicated this entry for Mark Zuckenberg. I, as one of the billion users of facebook, owe him a massive thank you for everything.
He went through a lot to reached now. Something that worth appreciation.
Harvard kids sure know how to make money
This site is too good to be true.

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A piece by : Fiya Muiz


Things got pretty scary when the lights were shut but yet it was so peaceful your mind could talk and mused. As well the scent of the perfume that keeps following me even to bed. I have to get up early tomorrow, quite early to spare me raccoon eyes since I haven't sleep this late. But I always reminded to a decent post on tumblr, which says
"We're never going to be as young as we are tonight"
why bother thinking about tomorrow then? I learned to live the moment. I've been too busy seeing beyond reasonable thoughts and forget the real meaning of a well-known phrase, ignorance is bliss.
Tonight I went to the beach. Spontaneously. It wasn't all romantic shit, we, as in me and two other friends, were just escaping the basis. Without a plan. It was a raw idea that passed in mind, and voila, we ended up on the beach.
I never thought beach would looked loud at night, although I didn't have time to look up to the sky which I assume it was starless, the sand was too rough it massage my bare feet. The essence of peculiar touch soothes me very well. And as soon I stepped on the shore, the sand started to feel cold. By the meaning of cold, it was truly cold.
The short hours really emphasize the art of escape. Too sudden I could barely refuse. I always enjoyed late night drive.
You know... been a while.
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A piece by : Fiya Muiz

Hey November. I've Missed You.

My left arm was patiencely being my personal drawing book for these past two days. The remaining black ink from the pen I used still linger, even so I've rubbed with soap a couple times. Name and random phrases that passed my mind. That simple. I couldn't let a second away from the grip for looking a paper, as soon I held the pen.
This week went fast alright. Alright for books intensity, you know. I found new places for quick silence during the day. I slept in order by night. No more midnight eye hunger. The only thing I hardly get this week was my productivity on writing. This blog for example. Don't get me wrong, I've been wandering around this page since yesterday but as soon I clicked, I couldn't get things right to write. I kept thinking that, IF I wrote anything about my day, nobody would give a fcuk. Becase that's just how human do it. Very basic, impulsive, selfish human. There may few people really do care about the stories we've told by their ears, but most of them were not. I could feel it through the eyes.
Eyes could tell everything. The unseen. The untold. Secrets. Even things that you thought never existed.
Believe me, I've just seen it. Someone just reminds me how to look by the eyes.
And uh, It's November, everybody. November.

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A piece by : Fiya Muiz