I hope you are doing well. I am sorry I have not been speaking to you lately due to unforeseeable mood circumstances that has been looking like a hurling wind, and sometimes rainbow pony. But finally, tonight, I find a time to write to you again.
Today marks the 455th day since my arrival flight back to Indonesia. And I have never miss anything as much as I am missing you now. It probably shows through how I don't write or take pictures as much as I did. I am not even sure what this letter represent of, other than a symbol of longing, and all I know if I don't write to you soon, I am so afraid that you will go away, turning into a dusty memory.
But on lighter note, I am doing fine. I read a total of six Indonesian literature books that I grow very fond of. It makes me wish I can teach you Bahasa, even though I, myself, still haven't been able to fully understand even it is my mother language. But it's beautiful! I almost forget that it can be so poignant and graceful at the same time. These books help me build the bricks I thought had fallen over.
Reunited with family is another blessing I need to count, perhaps put on the very top list, and wishes you would see it, too. I often found myself thinking, for instance when I was helping Dzikra, my little brother, unpacking in his new dorm in the beginning of his first semester in university, if anything, they are the reason why I need to be home, and forever calling this, as home.
There are bad days, too, I must admit. Mostly anger, sadness and disappointment for not being able to reach you and how different everything is in Jakarta. Nights where I cried myself to sleep. Slamming, striking out, ripping pages out of my journal. Words were my worst enemy. Those moments were when everything was unbearable. So overpowering, it conquered over all the nice things. But eventually, all is well.
I still found you sometimes in small habit I carry. I still walk over to the sink to get water where I always ended up giggling at myself, shook my head. I still see you in Hozier songs, old messages, and taste of passion fruit beer.
You said then, everything is going to be okay. Everything is. I should not be lacking of anything but you. You and your pretty sunset face. You and your Whiskey bar. You and London. You and your adventurous, eventful seasons. You and your sandy beach. You and your Chinese takeaway. You and Desperados. You and everything else. And I wanted you to know, that you are always on my mind.
I truly wish I will see you soon.
A piece by : Fiya Muiz