The Past

Strictly Amusing

May should win an award for the busiest month of the year. I've got tons of weightfull exams during May-June. I almost gone mental as the post-exams-madness. I've been missing the activity of writing for a while. My eyes were every books slave, compiled from many paragraphs. My brain has to memorize lots of theoritical opinions. But Wednesday perhaps my favorite day of the week. You won't believe what happened to my Wednesday. I learned a lot that I shouldn't gamble with time to be punctual. I can't stop time and I can't escape from it either way.
I had to compete with the clock - I couldn't even stare to the second changed because it feels like every second eating me alive.
Visa application went through my exams schedule, unpreparedly. That was different, and I'm going to remember it. I'm not saying that I enjoyed it because at the end I was late to the exams and called by the head of invigilators in my school.
I may consider my self busy but I always have time for something. For few things. Things that I like.
I was trying to say...................... nothing.
I'll be good.
Anyway, wish me massive luck. The hopes of dream becoming reality is on the edge of my eyelids ~
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A piece by : Fiya Muiz


I mean wow.

I mean fuck, I can’t get rid of this thought
about me falling in love
with some kind of prince-posture guy.
I mean ain’t that shit?
Having endless thoughts about someone - His eyes and stare
His smell of burnt cigarettes
His sweet lies
His outstanding mind.
And makes myself assuming,

I am in love.

A piece by : Fiya Muiz

The Violet Hours

I'm uncompromising.

This past two days were entirely a mess. I couldn't find me anywhere. The intensity between me and love was outstandingly high. It burned my inner strenght to staying sane. For a second I may considering to join a rehab but then I know, insane people doesn't suggest themselve to enter a rehab. Well... some of them were.
I chose to kept everything for myself alone, I tried to swim alone, to cry alone under my duvet. But believe me those stuff helps only for three hours. The annoying thoughts would always come back as everything reminds me to ..him.
But as it reached the peak, calmness shall come.
I feel a lot better after I cried around one hour total and finally realizing the first usage of blackberry and share a pointless story.
I refuse to sleep, because I plan for tomorrow as my sober day, one day closer to normality.

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A piece by : Fiya Muiz

I Need Time-Out

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This kind of moment was the best moment for writing since my emotion wrapped me until I can't sleep.
My eyes were swollenly red, and my legs hurt due to the over self-confident to rule the skateboard.
I lost my appetite for eat. I just wanted massive distraction for my thoughts which I can't barely found.

I felt joy in every second of thee presence but in the same time it destruct me more than the cigarrettes. slowly. The more I dream, the more I can feel the reality undermine my life. I let good things happens to me today, which I gradually thank, but the good things were not always something good in a way. The other way has its side effect such as post situation that came after the good things. I knew it would happened, but I couldn't care less.
I want it, and what happen next wouldn't matter for me at the moment when I did feel the rush of the joy. Until the next thing happen.
I was under my duvet, food-less, and crying my self in silence. The clock already showed three hours passed midnight, I feel ridiculous.
My tears were wasted over the most useless thing that your mind could think of.
but I can't help it. I'm still a human with a heart where I could feel things.
I didn't have any night mare, but I slept early. It was very plain and dark. I went against the fact that my air conditioner was actually cold. My legs were petrified in pain. My hair was still wet after I tried to drowned my thoughts inside the pool, and somehow it did not work out when the pressure of the water pressed againts the tears that about to fall out. It was something uncomfortable.
I felt misarable. I never knew what misarable means before tonight.
It was more than pain, mentally, but it more to I-can't-technically-feel-anything. Like you were lost somewhere you couldn't define.

No one ever made me like this. Either out there someone should be proud to, or this thing is way beyond the limit of exaggeration. It wasn't about my wants I cried over to, it's about someone else wants that I could desperately feel it.
I don't know. I won't know.
All the sobs and snivel obnoxiously messing my pillow sheet. My heart doesn't hurt. I know it is still in one piece and not shattered. but it's just... had the wrong dedication of feeling.
Wrong is the right word for the day.
Have you ever felt like nothing going to be normal as it used to, after one tiny bits of truth submitted through one sentence? Like a part from you has taken away in the same time when the truth was told? Like sacrifising a hope for the future?
Have you ever felt nobody could understand what you are dealing with? Like you don't feel talking to them after all?

I don't know what to feel, what to think, or what to write when I'm like this.
A piece by : Fiya Muiz

Show Me Some Skins

fiction imitates life, they say. fiction completes life perhaps. fiction allows people to see differences which emphasize the unfairness takes role in life but in the same time fiction isn't wrong.

fiction lies on something called.. skins.

There was one side of straight-edge believer: this series is a complete disaster.
Or the other side of hard core: This series represent my life.

For teenagers, bailing out of something was normal. Rules are made to set the boundaries, life would be wild without boundaries, but in the same time, somehow you have the rights for breaking the rule itself.
Skins has a bit of everything. Various kind of personalities were blended in to one group of people dealing with life. The love, hates, guilty, innocent, anger, mental madness, like everything. The story was so compelling, attracts the thoughts to dissolve then started to see through problems. Exaggeration was part of the series, non sense moments put very well along the drama scenes. Fights and intimacy were everywhere, regardlessly. A touch of maturity required to watch and understand this series, border between right and wrong was very thin, some might interprets mistakenly.
The way the speak, inspired me.
And for the characters, they've gotten too far from well. Each of them has a very strong personality, as if you really feel you are in their shoes. Cook (from generation II) was the best of all though.
He's bloody wicked.
I can't judge, you watch your self, yeah?

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A piece by : Fiya Muiz