This what's on my mind: We are quiet now, a lot more quiet than we were. I don't think it is because we don't have anything to say, I think it is quite the opposite. It is because the weigh of our worlds are almost unbearable so we choose to stay silent. I don't think it is because of the distance. It is just a scale pin point different cities on a map, but nothing more. We have known each other for almost a decade now, when everything was light as feather, we have never running out of things to say. I thought I'd go along this time, being quiet, considering this world has enough scraps of darkness to hear, might as well caged it inside my ribs. I thought this is what you want, too. To stay silent. But won't you agree with me, if we keep everything within, it will slowly, maybe gradually almost unnoticed, destroying ourselves then the world eventually? Stretching us far apart as an individual and less as a team. I do not want that, if anything has to shackle me I do not mind being tied in a life-time relationship with you. You are my best friend.
If they say that love is just an illusion, then same it goes to fear, isn't it? I need you, out of anybody else, as my best friend to tell me so. The fear of tomorrow starting to get a hold of me. I'm trying to let go, but I cannot run away. I remember you jumped out of excitement when I told you our favorite band is coming to the city where I live while I stood still, did not seem to find the excitement; it may be because the love I had towards the band had lessen to the tipping point of nothing, or maybe because I know that I am near, I am starting to lose the interest. Tomorrow, on the other hand, scares me. The uncertainty, the risk, the chances are like shadows that even follows in the dark. I wish I can just hide it under my blanket, let it be forgotten and lost in the sheet.
I am not telling you this because maybe you have listened enough. Given the assumption, I do not want to pull you down. You seem you are doing alright, better than alright. You seem to have figured it out. As the days piled up, the longer we stop communicating, the greater the feeling of shyness that was very much absent when we used to spent weekends figuring out the chords of The Weezer songs. I'd phone you in an instant to spill every single details I just went for a coffee with the guy I had a crush on. Sometimes, I would repeat the story over and over again just because I could not handle the excitement. Now, I'd think twice before sending you a text to tell you the worse date I have ever been, afraid I might disturb you in between your busy schedule. There must be something going on. Or is it just a brutal truth that we are, apparently, growing apart?
I hope we are okay. I hope we'll be okay.
If they say that love is just an illusion, then same it goes to fear, isn't it? I need you, out of anybody else, as my best friend to tell me so. The fear of tomorrow starting to get a hold of me. I'm trying to let go, but I cannot run away. I remember you jumped out of excitement when I told you our favorite band is coming to the city where I live while I stood still, did not seem to find the excitement; it may be because the love I had towards the band had lessen to the tipping point of nothing, or maybe because I know that I am near, I am starting to lose the interest. Tomorrow, on the other hand, scares me. The uncertainty, the risk, the chances are like shadows that even follows in the dark. I wish I can just hide it under my blanket, let it be forgotten and lost in the sheet.
I am not telling you this because maybe you have listened enough. Given the assumption, I do not want to pull you down. You seem you are doing alright, better than alright. You seem to have figured it out. As the days piled up, the longer we stop communicating, the greater the feeling of shyness that was very much absent when we used to spent weekends figuring out the chords of The Weezer songs. I'd phone you in an instant to spill every single details I just went for a coffee with the guy I had a crush on. Sometimes, I would repeat the story over and over again just because I could not handle the excitement. Now, I'd think twice before sending you a text to tell you the worse date I have ever been, afraid I might disturb you in between your busy schedule. There must be something going on. Or is it just a brutal truth that we are, apparently, growing apart?
I hope we are okay. I hope we'll be okay.
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