I have been going around this country little by little. It might look tempting from the outer look, but it actually involves a lot of feelings. Being here, away from home, in such early age as most of the people judgement, allows me to feel a lot of things. Staying sane and surviving everything takes a lot either. I am not going to say it is easy because it definitely far from it, but this makes me feel real. Feeling everything, making me feel more real than ever in my existence as if I can feel my own presence in this world by trying to survive the whole deal.
Oh, boy, this takes a lot. I am traveling mad as rabbit -- I do not think I would do any of this if I am in Indonesia. This, just one of those things happens once. Since the relationship between me and plans, are not going very well. I am being the most spontaneous version of myself more than I have ever been throughout the last nineteen years old life.
I just came back from a trip to three cities without hotel or any transportation booking in advance. This time, my partner in crime was Fikri, a dear friend back in Junior High. No, actually we were not much of a friend. We fight a lot. But we are a good friend now. I might have gone mad if he was not around three days ago. I will have a special post for the further details about this awesome trip, soon.
And meanwhile, here I am, alone on a double bed size I have not had for a while, under flower prints duvet, in southern London. Feeling awkwardly grateful. I am currently staying at my uncle's friend place for several days, having no plan at all. I am just trying new things. Thing I have never done before. Observing local family, for example. Living how they live daily between this cold weather. And not denying any rumors, so far they are more than lovely.
Although I am aware morning will come eventually and ask me what's the plan for tomorrow which I do not fancy that. I have been living these past two weeks without plan. I always come up during the last second. Quite thrilling, yet the pressure for having plans is overwhelming and irritating in the same time. Thus, I prefer midnight than morning. Which the complete opposite of me, a month ago. As life goes on, things change. Or as things change, life goes on. Same difference.
I beg your pardon for the lack of post. I was not in the best shape to control my state of mind during this Christmas holiday. I just can not wait to get back on track and live the life of happy days again!! Oh, happy Christmas and new year in three days!! :) x x
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