It Contagious

Everything strikes as soon as I am alone. After the last goodbye hug. Following each steps from the sidewalk till the brown carpet staircase. I despise everything that is not on my hand. That I am not in control of it. That has been wired as my default settings. I despise with all the blood running on my vein as I worship the weakness within me; unconsciously surrender soon enough without carrying out relevant effort to stand up.

It contagious; relying on the result, everything will look terrible without bothered trying to be one. Bad mood against the world.

I feel very human for this past week. As I hardly satisfied with everything. As I always wanted for more. As I barely able to made up my mind. As my mood swings like pendulum. As I kept crossing my own rules. As the guilty pleasure follows.


Like a plastic jar of water accidentally hit by tiny bit of sharp pin, I broke down. It suppose to be nothing but I can feel this small hole, allow me to burst quietly, then tear me up. It suppose to be nothing. But I am weak enough to surrender towards my weakness and just fell. Not living the moment as I was told to. The thing about surrender in to a bad mood is, every good things are hidden somewhere unknown; and my mind is not willing enough to simply see and look for it, while sometimes actually good things are right in front of my eyes.


We all are the same. Human. The worst and best living thing in history of universe. Knowing what should not, but not doing anything to get away. I can go on for the next three years listing what human do. Mostly about the unqualified righteousness manner.


I know everything is alright. This just me and tiny scope around my head, transmitting such unwanted vibes. Nothing is wrong, really. I know what should I do, it is just a matter of willingness which I have not yet gathered to move. England is nice. I won't ever blame this country for my stupid mood. It has nothing to do with England. It has something to do with.. never mind.


Hi December! I promise jolly post coming up soon.




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