Right Now, I'm Anyone's

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This is the kind of night where I feel safe and sound; two in the morning, under my duvet, at the edge of sleeping and yawning. Where I do not have to worry for the next hours because I know sleep will fights it all. All the minimum effort to close my eyes then thinking the good plot to begin a dream, until the next morning when the sun reach its peak, and my mind starts to wander off far away to the place where mystery and surprises are all over the room.

Outside the sky is crying, it all started as soon the sun gone and rotates to the other side of the world, thus I don't have to see droplets of rain coming by. The curtain was closed anyway as the lights are up on its shift to guard the night. Browsing to Jack Kerouac's old quotations showers me with thousands of positive ideas. All raw and genuine. Allowing me to feel nothing but inspired. I needed that -- quietly but with an immense necessity. I needed to feel something.

Set with the mind of young and thirsty traveller, everything comes very fragile, with one simple touch or move might affect the whole longing existence, letting non-sense questions and doubt of big old faith emerge up high on the surface. Whilst, answers are running wild and hidden in transparent covers between logic and emotions. And also love has lost its sweet appeal into broken illusion, posing feverish notion. Are you offering salvation or temporary solution?

I thought this midnight rain might help me to sleep, I thought the song might ease the noise, but no, should have known none of those worked. Tell me when the next train is going to stop cause the sleep boat is nowhere near the shore. Then again, keep reminding me why I'm here. There must be a damn good reason why this ever start.

x

A piece by : Fiya Muiz
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Jack

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“I have lots of things to teach you now, in case we ever meet, concerning the message that was transmitted to me under a pine tree in North Carolina on a cold winter moonlit night. It said that Nothing Ever Happened, so don't worry. It's all like a dream. Everything is ecstasy, inside. We just don't know it because of our thinking-minds. But in our true blissful essence of mind is known that everything is alright forever and forever and forever. Close your eyes, let your hands and nerve-ends drop, stop breathing for 3 seconds, listen to the silence inside the illusion of the world, and you will remember the lesson 

you forgot, which was taught in immense milky way soft cloud innumerable worlds long ago and not even at all. It is all one vast awakened thing. I call it the golden eternity. It is perfect. We were never really born, we will never really die. It has nothing to do with the imaginary idea of a personal self, other selves, many selves everywhere: 

Self is only an idea, a mortal idea. That which passes into everything is one thing.  It's a dream already ended. There's nothing to be afraid of and nothing to be glad about. I know this from staring at mountains months on end. They never show any expression, they are like empty space. Do you think the emptiness of space will ever crumble away? Mountains will crumble, but the emptiness of space, which is the one universal essence of mind, the vast awakenerhood, empty and awake, will never crumble away because it was never born. ” 

― Jack Kerouac, The Portable Jack Kerouac (Selected Letters 1957-1969 and is a letter he wrote to his first wife, Edie in 1957. )

A piece by : Fiya Muiz
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You Need Me Like A Bad Habit

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Spent three days in London, I got home with the feeling of knowing the greatest meal of all. I don't usually talk about food, but I think I have just had the best meal ever at Burger & Lobster in London. Two blocks away from Green Park's tube station. Everyone who is heading or live or currently in London, I can assure you going to this restaurant is a must. I ordered Lobster Rolls the other day, which served with bread along with French Fries and salad; sometimes, when the main course being a star, the other side dishes such as French Fries, would be a let down, but this time, nothing on that plate being a let down to me. The whole thing was amazing.




Post you later. Let this one specially dedicated for the Lobster. x

A piece by : Fiya Muiz
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I'll Get By With Your Smile

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Today's report for Southern part of England is pretty quiet and calm. A bit of sunshine this morning, which was ten times better than yesterday's wind storm. Probably in tribute for England's winning against Sweden the other day; rather rad the match was! Throwing endless complaints and comments with my friend in Jakarta through Blackberry Messenger was the only thing that keeping me calm unlike the other half-drunk Brits inside the pub. And also tribute to Father's day -- though in Indonesia, everyone is missing the almost festive sales of cards and everything across Europe.

Speaking of Father's day, it might be appropriate to write a bit of appreciation post here due to the seventeen hours flight travel back home to send massive love to the best father in the universe. I am one of the lucky people in this world to have the privilege of having such loving and supportive dad. Without him, I am nowhere near where I stand, or sit, right now. Living my dream in Britain. Having him as my father is one of the best blessings God ever given to me. Both of my parents give me happiness like no other. So, thank you and cheers for life!

Much love,

A piece by : Fiya Muiz
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Baby, It's Cold Outside.

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Dear Love,

Today's weather was unbelievably cold during summer season. Even after I put on my mum's old University of Iowa jumper seemed not warm enough. The clock showed half past eight at night, but the sun was still hanging politely. I was not custom with any of this. Earlier I was outside, not expecting any horrible British weather, which somehow unavoidable and greeted me by my nose.

I swear my throat felt something; as if I inhale too much cold air that my lungs could not handle. The wind, love. The wind was as horrible as your worst nightmare. Wet traces of the ongoing rain was nothing compare to the wind. My black velvet heels was fortunately strong enough to got through the seven minutes long journey from my favorite cafe in town back to my flat.

And there was nothing better than staying under the familiar roof where I could snuggle in proper warmth and a cup of hot chocolate. Watching the rain through my big bedroom window, accompanied by iTunes and a couple non-sense conversations through Blackberry Messenger which was perfect for this kind of weather; aside from the fact that everything was not making any sense at all.

Tomorrow, most of my favorite people I have ever met and loved the most in this town are about to leave for the rest of the so-called summer long.

I'd rather not to think about it. Hence, I'm off eating my sushi take away downstairs.

I'll talk to you soon.

A piece by : Fiya Muiz
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We Were So Beautiful

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This is how summer looks like through my bedroom. False Summer. Sun's here and there a bit, but more often grey and gloomy rainy days greets. After two long months spoiled with familiar faces and both local hospitality and non-sense values, I touched back down to Britain's soil and accent. I know many of you dying to leave home and savour the priceless journey abroad, but I must say, nothing ever beats the comfort of being at home.

All those years of your life, growing up, making memories, knowing the streets to every places in the city as if you own the place -- that is home. It is hard to avoid or ignore the best feeling of coming back to the familiarity. Because personally, I have some part of my heart on it which sometimes may not be much advantage in certain cases. I would always choose anything that familiar in my conciousness.

Don't get me wrong, Bournemouth is all lovely and decent, but I can not compare to Jakarta which has been my home town for the last eighteen years. Changing all that within, what, a year, definitely not easy. Probably before I went home, Bournemouth has already growing on me and I almost forgot half of my basic identity. I must added though, this is me, barely one day old, returning to live alone again after receiving all the joy and spoiled attention back in Jakarta.

That must be one of the reason; Jakarta seemed very nice to me because I have seen the genuine value of it right after I left for another adventures in the land with the best accent. I would not think of Jakarta the way I think of it now, if I had not leave the city. Probably the people, as well. They won't treated me like a princess if I had not left at all. I had so much fun I could not explain. Meeting new friends, catching up with the lost ones. Blimey, not to mention sleeping under the same roof, or sometimes in the same room, with my family.

Hence, this won't last long, after adjusting in one week, getting back all the routines in hand, automatically brain will function in present moment mode. Sometimes college tasks won't allow me to think about anything else which is good, I believe. School starts in a week, till then I probably will continue mumbling, whining about pretty much everything.

It almost feels like the first week all over again. The symptoms are here. I'd rather to stay at home, all day in my room only come out for bathroom and kitchen excuses. Only this time, I have Daniel and Busra to call or more like, annoyed. I feel old.

A piece by : Fiya Muiz
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Just Like Heaven

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I've not seen any morning these days. I slept till noon most of the day. The dark and quiet night always have been my loyal company getting through the busiest hour in my head; sometimes in sweat -- Jakarta's  nighttime wind did not give any mercy for those who weak under the circumstances of tropical heat. I live on the 21st floor, and that did not make me closer to the secret wind home office.

I was wide awake when everybody sleeps with their own lullaby, and in return, I have to gave up the morning sun. All bright yellow and wrapped in genuine freshness. The suns till there when I woke up, but it was just not as yellow as in the morning. It had turned orange just like slightly overly cooked sunny side egg or sometimes, I woke up to gloomy grey sky. Take that as unfortunate considering I was not a big fan of rainy days.

However, being home after a very long while journey in the land of accent, had never felt so much better. Everything intensifies. This was one of the best opportunity to actually seize everything as if I own every reasons in this world. The value of friends and family exceeds more than priceless. I fell in love with each and everyone of them deeper than before. And that what makes coming back, feels weirder than I anticipated.

But in my case of waking up late, I do not mind missing quite a few morning because somehow that what makes morning very special to me. I do not spoil the gifts.

A piece by : Fiya Muiz
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